>Almost lost this blog, forgot how to get to it. Been very, very ill for the past month or so. Started with bursitis, then sinus infection. Got meds, infection cleared up but not bursitis. whole thing brought on major flare. I have slept most of the month away. Since mid Feb. Last night I slept 12 hours. Twelve. Today, when I woke up, I felt pretty good, took a shower and washed my pj’s, then I was tired, and vegged mostly. Feeling very sad. Why? I think I’m just lonely, overwhelmed with this illness, fighting to keep up with things, keep in control of my life, and not succeeding at all well. I need help. I am not managing my life at all lately, for quite awhile, really. I don’t even open my mail sometimes. Then I think, well, why should I get help, I didn’t go help Mama. I am a bad person. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t go. I couldn’t help. I wasn’t able. I feel very bad because I didn’t, even though in my head I KNOW I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t live there, I couldn’t take care of her, I couldn’t manage her life. I can’t manage mine. I’m sorry. I am so worn down by this illness. Some days I just don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to try to keep a schedule, get up on time, go to bed on time, eat, whatever. I want a vacation from being me, just for awhile. So I can regroup, get it together, get back in sync. Only I wouldn’t, because the illness would still be there when I got back. Life is hard.